2014: Year Without Fear

Early March seems as good a time as any to reflect on the previous year's resolutions and goals, right?

The waterfall that started it all.

On New Year's Eve 2013, we went white water rafting on the Tongariro River. As part of our trip, we 'got' to climb up a rope and then jump off a waterfall. I am terrified of heights, but try not to let myself miss out on things that otherwise sound fun because of it.  So I scrambled up that rope, took a deep breath, and jumped. I was fine physically, but still felt shaken up a bit, and then disappointed that I hadn't let myself enjoy the experience.

Generally I don't make New Years resolutions, but this one made itself. I decided 2014 was going to be the year I got over my silly irrational fears, and declared it the Year Without Fear!

This started as a resolution to get over my fear of heights, which is easily my biggest irrational fear, but an opportunity presented itself in Australia in June to attempt to tackle my second biggest fear - snakes!  

At the Featherdale Wildlife Park in the Blue Mountains outside Sydney, they had a python out that people could hold. Historically, I have had trouble entering the reptile house at the zoo because I know it has snakes in it, so the idea of holding one seemed a little fantastical.  But there was a little girl holding this python, and so I thought - why the hell can't I? And so I did. Not without reluctance or uncertainty, but I did it!  I'm not saying I'm going to adopt a snake anytime soon, but they no longer hold the power over me they once did.

Thanks to Rob to capturing the stages of holding a snake - denial, reluctance and acceptance.

My first attempt at letting go of my fear of heights came on the 4th of July. We were out with friends and passed a big bungee ball next to the Sky Tower that sends people up 100m at 180kph. On an impulse we decided to give it a go. I was terrified at first, but once I let myself stop being afraid, I had a marvelous time.

Of course we had to get the photo package - goes from sheer terror to glee to bliss.

The most consistent test I faced was with flying. As a kid I loved take off, but somewhere along the lines (probably when I started watching Lost), I developed an intense fear that at one point required medication. I've been fighting with it for a long time, but this just led to the even more irrational fear that if I wasn't vigilantly fearful during take-off, the flight gods would smite me for my hubris, and down we'd go. So before I could learn to not be afraid, I had to learn that it was okay to not be afraid. It was a bit of a convoluted mess, but I got there in the end.

The grand finale for the year was meant to be paragliding in Wanaka over Christmas Vacation, but the weather didn't cooperate (I swear I would have gone!).  But I did the next best thing (or just the best thing) and voluntarily took a 45-minute Cessna flight from Milford Sound to Queenstown - and in the co-pilot seat! As I've said before, it was one of the high points of my life - and one that pre-resolution Megan probably would have passed on.

I'm not claiming to be cured entirely, and I certainly have no interest in things like bungee jumping, but I'm pretty proud of how far I've come since jumping off that waterfall. I have a new, mostly unrelated resolution for 2015 that so far is proving even more difficult than this one, but I'll let you know how it all turned out in 2016!